So you’ve decided to tie the knot, appointed a celebrant, decided on your venue and have started to get the ball rolling with aspects of your wedding. But have you thought about what you’re going to say to each other?
Writing vows can be quite a daunting task and most people, before getting married have never had the experience of speaking in public. It can be nerve racking!
Yes, you’re speaking in front of your friends and family, but it's still speaking in front of a lot of people!
I always tell my couples to remember, when they get nervous, that no-one is there to judge you, or pick you to pieces. Everyone is there to support the love you have for one another, as they’re wanting the very best for both of you.
Finding the words to express the love, dreams and hopes you have for your future together can also be overwhelming, add then into the mix, the organisation of the rest of your ceremony. It's no easy feat!
Encapsulating the love you have for your partner requires a lot of thought and reflection. Writing your vows should be fun and it gives you the chance to look back on when you first met and all the great times you’ve had together and why you love each other!
So what do you say?
Firstly you have to, by law, repeat legal vows, which your celebrant will incorporate into your ceremony. You'll then have the opportunity to exchange personal vows that come from the heart. This is your opportunity to make your own promises, express the love you feel, and the hopes you have for the future. Remember to be yourself! You can make them light hearted, romantic or sentimental.
Don’t rush into writing your vows. I had a bride who had taken years to write her vows, she had thought of things from the time when their relationship began and wrote ideas and feelings down, from how she felt in that moment, and edited them for her vows (which I thought was a lovely idea!). Of course, not everyone will be as organised or even have the thought to write your feelings towards your partner down from the beginning, but it’s always good to keep in mind some of the special moments you have shared together and include them in your vows.
Writing vows can be extremely daunting for most people. This is where a good celebrant will usually offer to help you write your vows, or indeed write them for you, if you don’t feel comfortable writing them. Your celebrant is there to help you and will write a bespoke ceremony tailored to your personalities. They might ask you for details of how you feel about your spouse, and then help you articulate them so they can be easily expressed in your vows.
How Long should the Vows Be?
You can make your vows as long or as short as you feel is necessary. There’s no rule book, but try not to write a full speech, save that for the reception! A couple of verses stating your love and promises coming from the heart is all you need!
Your personal vows will be one of the main things you'll remember about your wedding day! And writing them doesn’t need to be stressful, here are a few ideas to get you started:
Traditional Wedding Vows:
Traditional wedding vows go back hundreds of years, they incorporate the love and commitment you have for each other, steeped in tradition and culture. Here are a few examples of vows, that you might want to consider and add to your ceremony.
1. I, (name), take you, (name), to be my (husband/wife). To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.
2. Will you have this (woman/man) to be your (wife/husband), to live together in marriage? Will you love (her/him), comfort (her/him), honour, and keep (her/him) in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to (her/him) as long as you both shall live?”
Bride/Groom: ‘I do”
3. I, (name) take you, (name), to be my (husband/wife). I promise to always be faithful to you, honest with you, and supportive of you. I promise to stand by you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I promise to respect, trust, help and care for you as we share our life together. Today, I give you my hand, my heart, and my eternal love, from this day forward, as long as we both live.
Fun, Lighthearted Vows
If some of you aren’t the types to get all deep and meaningful in a romantic way you may prefer to express your love through humour, which is great! Here are a few ideas and inspiration:
1. Today in front of everyone we love, I promise to love and support you, as your (Husband/Wife), as we start our journey together! Who would have thought that (guy/girl) …. standing here in front of you, would end up being the love of my life, the person who I turn to when times are good and when times get tough?
2. From this day forward, I promise to love you, no matter what life throws at us, to laugh with you, binge watch Netflix series and laugh at sometimes your questionable jokes! I promise to stand by you, in difficult times and in easy. I promise to try and be tidy, as long as you promise to pick up your dirty clothes off the bedroom floor!
3. I promise I will cherish every moment we spend together, from the small things to the life changing moments, like today. I love you so much and I’m looking forward to spending my life with you!
Romantic Vows
If some of you out there are more romantic and enjoy expressing your love in an amorous way, these vows might suit your way of expressing the love you feel for your spouse.
1. The love that brought us together will keep us together, but our devotion and friendship will keep us together. I promise that I will always be a shoulder to cry on and a hand to wipe away your tears of life together.
2. Throughout our marriage we are bound as one unbroken path, on which I vow to never deviate, to never falter, and to always be there by your side.
3. I cannot wait to have the chance to spend a lifetime loving you. You are my person, my inspiration, my love, and my everything.
Sentimental Vows
1. No matter how much pressure you are under in the present and how uncertain the future may be, I promise to love, honour, respect and cherish you until the end of our lives.
2. I promise to always treat you with respect and esteem, and to be one of your closest friends, no matter what. You have helped me become the person I am today, and I will be a better person tomorrow with your help. Let us be friends and lovers and grow old together shamelessly. I will ask for your help when I need it, and I will offer you my help as well.
3. I take you as you are, loving who you are now and who you are yet to become. Listening to you and learning from you is my promise to you. I will support you and accept your support. You have my love, faith in your love , and I will celebrate your triumphs and mourn your losses as if they were my own. Through our years and the rigours of life, I will love you and believe in your love for me.
Finally - What you Write, Can't be Wrong
The main thing to remember is that you love your partner and whatever you decide to say, as long as it is coming from the heart, you cant go wrong! Start by putting pen to paper, just keep putting down ideas and thoughts without censoring editing or criticising as you go. Then practice speaking out loud some of the things you have written. If it reflects what your heart feels and it resonates with you, then what you write can't be wrong. Check out more vows and ideas from Sophie at Sophisticated Ceremonies!
