What is a Commitment Ceremony?
A Commitment Ceremony is a lovely way of showing faithfulness to one another in front of friends and family, without having to perform the required words and documents associated with a legally binding marriage. Many couples are opting to have a commitment ceremony either before becoming legally married or some time after tying the knot.
COVID thrust so many couples into the unknown and caused uncertainty when beginning the process of planning a wedding. Stories abound of couples being stuck at the last moment with enforced restrictions limiting the size of their ceremony and reception. Due to health regulations limiting the number of guests able to attend a wedding during lockdowns, many couples secretly opted to have a quick, simple wedding. I know from first-hand experience as I did the same. My family live in England, and we chose to do the legal side, simply, (with a touch of elegance!) and have planned a commitment ceremony and reception twelve months down the line when hopefully international borders open.
Simple doesn’t mean cheap, but it can be more affordable!
Getting married in a ‘legals only’ wedding, doesn’t need to break the bank. A ceremony can range between $300 - $700, which is cheap as chips! All you need are two witnesses, you and your partner, a celebrant and you’re married, no fuss!
However, many couples are not wanting to tell their family they tied the knot alone, without inviting others. They feel guilty (or know they will be made to feel guilty) and so try to use a commitment ceremony under the disguise of a marriage ceremony.
This can throw celebrants into an awkward position.
Celebrants are governed by a code of practice, (rules and regulations, they must legally follow). Conducting a ceremony under the disguise of a marriage ceremony is against the law and celebrants can face a six-month prison sentence, if they are found to have alluded, that a couple were participating in a legal marriage ceremony.
This is a consequence couples need to consider when asking a celebrant to perform a ceremony in this way.
Sometimes being asked to perform a commitment ceremony under the disguise of being a marriage is a tricky situation for a celebrant to find themselves in, as it can be hard to say ‘no’. I have found myself in this situation before and have felt so awful, having to refuse the request. We don’t want to let the couple down and be the one to drop the bombshell to all their family and friends, that this isn’t the day they’re going to marry, or that they are already hitched, but we also have our reputation to consider and codes to follow.
A celebrant’s job is to help you create a wonderful day for you, your family, and your guests to remember, that’s why we love doing what we do!
What is the Difference?
Although we can’t break the law, however, there isn’t much difference between a commitment ceremony and a marriage ceremony! Here is an example of the order of service for both a commitment ceremony and marriage ceremony.
The Processional (Both Wedding and Commitment Ceremony)
This is the big entrance. When the guests see the bride for the first time and when the bridal party are involved.
Welcome/Introduction (Both Wedding and Commitment Ceremony)
This is where your celebrant will welcome your guests and tell your story of how you met and lighten the mood and involve the guests. It is also when the celebrant would mention that it is a commitment ceremony.
Reading (Both Wedding and Commitment Ceremony)
This is where you can ask a relative, or close friend to perform a reading, which is a lovely way of expressing your love for each other and choose something that represents you as a couple
Monitum (Wedding Ceremony Only)
This is the section of a wedding where the celebrant will say certain words referred to as the ‘Monitum’. This is one of the aspects that composes a legal marriage.
A celebrant will leave this section out if they are performing a commitment ceremony.
Ritual (Both Wedding and Commitment Ceremony)
A couple might choose to have a ritual or ceremony such as a sand or wine ritual to represent a significant aspect of their love.
Legal Vows (Wedding Only)
In a legal marriage, the couple will recite legal vows, to consent to marriage.
Personal Vows (Both Wedding and Commitment Ceremony)
You can also have personal vows incorporated into a marriage ceremony.
In a commitment ceremony a couple will just say personal vows.
Ring exchange. (Both Wedding and Commitment Ceremony)
The couple exchange their rings and make further promises.
Signing certificates (Both Wedding and Commitment Ceremony)
In a LEGAL marriage couples will sign the marriage certificate; this is another component that makes a marriage legal.
In a commitment ceremony, a celebrant will give you a commitment ceremony certificate, that you can sign. On both occasions you can ask witnesses to sign your certificate.
Presentation of the Couple (Both Wedding and Commitment Ceremony)
Your celebrant will present you to your guests, as partners for life!
So, you see, there isn’t much difference in the order of a wedding ceremony and commitment ceremony. Your celebrant will leave out the monitum, legal vows and signing of legal paperwork. During a commitment ceremony, a celebrant can’t sign any paperwork alluding to the fact that they are signing a legal marriage certificate. It is an offence to do this. A celebrant will also not mention anything about ‘marriage’ in a commitment ceremony and will often refer to the couple in their ceremony, as ‘making a commitment’ to each other.
What couples need to remember is, your celebrant wants to make your day as special and memorable for you as possible, they are there for you!
Making the decision to marry is a wonderful thing. I always tell my couples when they are starting the journey of planning their wedding, to remember to look after themselves and remember who the day is about, THEM!
So it seems a trend at the moment is to have a short and simple wedding ceremony, with two witnesses (the minute you start inviting a few select guests, someone will feel left out!) and then planning a commitment ceremony and reception sometime in the future.
Most reasonable people will understand under the circumstances, that you wanted to marry now and that you’ve invited them to - party later. It’s actually a thoughtful, kind, and considerate thing to do. It shows you love them and want them to share in your happiness, it’s just that you just wanted to make your relationship legal while you had the opportunity.
